The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 Read online

  The Bathrobe Knight

  Volume 2

  Written by: Charles Dean

  Edited by: Joshua Swayne

  Copyright © 2015 by Charles Dean

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1: Spoons for Swords

  Chapter 2: Stomach Pains

  Chapter 3: Not a Cougar

  Chapter 4: Cheat Codes Over Reset Buttons

  Chapter 5: Fashionably Great

  Chapter 6: Errand Boy or Quest Master

  Chapter 7: Barbeque Standard with Purchase

  Chapter 8: Guilty Pleasure

  Chapter 9: Phallic Force

  Chapter 10: Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?

  Reliquary

  (Monsters, Races, Characters, Random Drops, Cheat Codes, Bosses, & Gamer Lingo)

  Prologue

  Robert:

  Robert walked through the halls of the office building listening to sound of his shoes squeak against an unusually well-polished tile floor. Everyone around him, even the small groups gathered at the various conference tables strewn throughout parts of the complex, were unusually quiet. The senior project members and group leads all had the doors to their offices shut and closed tightly. Some even had the blinds turned down, as if they were trying to block out the atypical silence that had descended upon the hallways. The result was that every little squelch his loafers made seemed all the louder. Not that the office was unruly or out of order. Well, not typically, anyway.

  There was generally sense of purpose and excitement in the office. Normally, at this time of morning, there would be commotion everywhere. Everyone had a role to play, a job to do and goals to accomplish, but it was very rare that any of these things were done by anyone alone in solitude and quiet. How many great ideas had been passed over or never heard because someone was too afraid to speak up? How many so-so or average ideas had been lost in the oblivion of a paperwork shuffle when someone else could have taken it and made it great? No, open discussion was at the backbone of the work principle that characterized the company's approach to development. The company firmly believed that communication was the key to producing a superior, higher quality product.

  As such, it felt like Robert was not at work, but had been transported back into a library on a college campus during finals week. Hushed conversations seemed to grow quieter as he passed by, and he could almost feel the fleeting stares from his coworkers’ eyes as they warily glanced up at him as if to see who would be so foolish as to arrive late to the last minute cram session.

  Robert ducked into the door to his office, unable to shake the eerie feeling that seemed to follow him in from outside. He dropped his briefcase by the door and carefully set his laptop bag on the desk, beginning the process of unzipping it and setting up everything alongside his larger, more powerful desktop. In truth, he really didn't have to carry the laptop back and forth with him everywhere he went. He could have used a flash drive to carry most of the important information to and from home and work, but he had gotten used to it a long time ago before such conveniences had been commonplace. Plus, he never knew when there would be a last minute call from someone needing a bit of code etched out just right, and he liked to always have access to tools and systems he was comfortable working with.

  "Knock, knock," came the voice, resounding from the hall into his office in unison with the actual sound of knuckles rapping on his open door.

  Robert almost jumped at the sound. It was the first real voice above the tone of a furtive, hushed whisper he had heard since he had arrived through the doors in the lobby downstairs.

  "Woah, woah, woah. Easy there, killer. Have a little too much java in your caffeine drip this morning?" Gary asked in a teasing tone.

  Robert turned, having recognized the voice from the start, and couldn't help but laugh at himself. "No, just the opposite. Not enough. No matter how early I get up, I never seem to quite finish that last cup before I have to run out the door."

  "Hey, you know, I was down at the hospital visiting a friend the other day. They have these IV drips they set up on little trolleys now. So, ya know, you can wheel it around in case you have to go to the bathroom or something. You just push it around everywhere with you. We should really look into getting you one of those. Direct injection of caffeine straight to the veins." Gary tapped the veins visible on his arm for emphasis.

  Robert laughed back at him. "Yeah, well, I don't think I'm quite ready for the hard stuff yet. You know us old dogs. We like it simple and old fashioned. Can't teach us new tricks and all that. Besides, you make it seem like I have a problem or something . . ."

  Gary's grin grew wider. "Of course you do."

  "I do not. And don't they say that you should never confront someone and explicitly tell them that they have a problem? Oh, God, you're not planning a java intervention, are you? A javavention? Kass was watching one of those awful reality shows a few weeks, ago and I couldn't help but overhear it. I think people actually staged one of those."

  "A javavention?" Gary raised his eyebrow quizzically. "Seriously? We've got to get you out of that house more. You're spending entirely too much time with your daughter. You're even starting to make up words like she does. Although, if your legs looked half as good as hers in one of those little sun dresses . . ."

  Robert blinked back in response, choosing to ignore the last remark. "Okay, whatever, just so long as you aren't trying to say I have some kind of problem."

  "Oh, no. You definitely have a problem."

  "Wait, hold on." Robert scowled. He could have actually used a drink of coffee right then. This much banter back and forth first thing in the morning was too much to go at alone. He needed something to prop his thoughts up. "Wait," he began again, looking around, "Where is--"

  "See, I told you," Gary said laughing. "You have a problem."

  "Did you do this? Did you set me up?" Robert asked accusingly, rounding back towards where Gary still stood in the doorway and pointing a finger at him.

  Gary broke out into a full fit, his grin spreading across his face as he tossed his head back and laughed heartily. "Oh, no," he gasped out between laughs. "No, no, no." He spread his hands out, palms open. "I just got here. How could I possibly? I haven't even left the doorway!" He fell back into his fit of laughter.

  Robert just sighed. Reaching into the bottom drawer of his desk, he pulled out a travel mug he kept tucked away there just for circumstances as dire as this. "I really must be getting old if I actually managed to leave the rest of my morning coffee sitting in the car." Robert shook his head in dismay at himself.

  Gary had managed to collect himself enough to speak again, but the smile never left his face. He was still struggling to get his breathing back to normal, almost like he had run up several flights of stairs, and he hadn't quite gotten his wind back yet. "Oh, man, I needed that. This place is like a funeral home this morning," he said, hoisting a thumb over his shoulder to indicate what he was talking about.

  "Yeah, I couldn't help but get that same feeling myself. What's up with everyone out there?"

  "Yeah . . . about that. That's actually why I dropped by. I figured you'd appreciate the heads up. B-MOC is in the building. He's going to be sitting in on this morning's conference."

  It was Robert's turn to raise an eyebrow in question. "Huh?"

  "B-MOC. B.M.O.C. Big Man on Campus," Gary stated flatly, like this concept should be obvious and self-explanatory.

  Robert just stared back at him blankly
.

  "Charles is here," Gary finally said. "He's personally asked to attend the meeting. And by asked, I mean, he said he would be there, and no one dared to try and tell him 'no.'"

  "Why didn't you just say that?" Robert asked, exasperated. "What's the big deal? I was supposed to have a meeting with him later on anyway. How does that turn everyone into a bunch of puppies acting like they just got a spanking?"

  "Puppies? I always had you pegged as more of a cat person."

  Robert sighed to himself at Gary switching the subject again. "Never again. Kass dragged home a stray kitten she found when she was a little girl. I would do anything to make that girl happy. But not a cat. She doesn't deserve that. No one does."

  Gary laughed. "It fell asleep on your laptop, didn't it?"

  Robert nodded his head, glad that Gary understood. "Little bugger tried to lap up my coffee too. Turns out that some real nice people who owned a farm just outside town were desperately searching for their lost kitten and were so happy to have it back."

  It was Gary's turn to shake his head in disbelief. "I didn't think you had it in you."

  Robert just shrugged it off. "So back to what I was saying. What does Charles showing up have to do with our newly-inducted walking dead out there? Did someone cancel the pony ride for the kids' birthday party or what?"

  "Nah, you just know how it is . . . elusive, hands-off, billionaire playboy decides to suddenly show up to the office one day at random when things start to go south, and everyone gets their panties in a wad over it. The rumor going around is that he's going to bring the ax down on someone for what's been going on in-game. Things aren't exactly going as planned."

  Robert sighed again. So that explained the extra-squeaky-clean floors this morning. People had a way of over dramatizing everything and always expecting the worst out of any situation. Even if Charles had actually come to remove someone from the project, odds are it would be one of the senior leads, not the actual team members.

  "Sounds like I'm really going to need this then," Robert said as he held up his empty travel mug and brushed past Gary out into the hallway, turning towards the closest coffee machine. "Hopefully he didn't scare coffee beans into silence as well." Not bothering to lower his voice as he walked through the hallway, his words rang out with an odd clarity through the silence.

  Robert filled his mug from the large pot in the break room that was blessedly full and almost bumped into Gary on his way back out.

  "This way," Gary said pointing towards the elevators. "When they found out the big man was going to be here today, they moved the meeting to the conference room on the top floor at the last minute."

  "Of course they did," Robert replied as he punched the elevator buttons with his free hand and stepped inside as the doors quickly swung open.

  The ride up took only a few moments, and the pair was soon traipsing down the hallway towards the large conference room on the corner of the building. The entire room was framed with glass panels on all sides, and, as they approached, Robert noticed that most of the seats around the large oval table that dominated the middle of the room were already filled. Everyone sat with downcast eyes and hunched backs, intently pretending to be engrossed with whatever was in front of them. A few fidgeted with the pens in their hands, and some were restlessly scrolling through their phones or tablets, but they were all doing anything they could to avoid looking at the figure seated at the head of the table.

  Robert took a quick appraisal of the man as the door swung open, and he and Gary made their way to the seats left open on the opposite end of the table. He was dressed in a navy blue suit and a yellow patterned tie--which were enough to make him immediately stand out from everyone else gathered in the room. The dress code at work was usually pretty lax, nothing too flashy or revealing, but casual was definitely the word when it came to office attire. Charles had blonde hair, perfectly parted, and striking blue eyes that were only beginning to show his age with small creases around the corners. Unlike everyone else, he sat leaning back in his chair at the head of the table, one leg crossed over the other, perfectly at ease.

  Even after Robert and Gary had taken their seats, an awkward silence continued to permeate the room. Robert looked around from face to face, but no one dared look up to meet his gaze.

  "Gentlemen, it was my understanding there was a rather important meeting that was supposed to take place today," Charles said, breaking silence. "So? If everyone has their black socks on, we can get this started." Everyone chuckled uneasily in a low tone, still afraid to be the first to speak up or break the uneasy pause, but more afraid not to laugh at the joke. One of the more unusual clauses of the bylaws stated that everyone had to wear black socks to meetings. Robert wasn't even wearing socks.

  "Alright, well," Gary began from beside Robert, "we have a number of issues that need to be addressed. And, as much as I would love to get back to answering inane questions about where the fluffy, pink unicorns and candy canes are, I really don't want to sit here admiring the view all day." He gestured to the view outside the office allowed in by the windows that made up the walls on two sides of the room. "I think it's safe to go ahead and say that you'll see a common theme linking them together as well.

  “First, I believe that everyone is familiar with the Unity Arc and what happened there--or what didn't happen and should have," Gary grunted, more than chuckled, at his own bad joke as he paused and looked up at Charles, who motioned for him to continue with a slight nod of his head.

  "The Unity Arc was one of the few major plot devices designed into the game from the get-go. It was supposed to give everyone a chance to get used to the VR sim and the in-game mechanics--a feel for the world and the play-style--before dropping them into the inferno. While we were testing out the game and working out the final kinks, it was the best way we had to keep the races locked so that they weren't able to party or group up with each other. This was supposed to encourage the players to focus more on each of their own individual starting areas. We really wanted to push everyone to help us find any bugs, glitches or inconsistencies in those initial player realms. Sure, players were able to venture off and explore anything they wanted, but we really wanted to corral them on the individual starter islands as much as we could. If they don't have any reason to go wandering off other that just to see the world, it makes sense that they would always come back to where they started in order to continue progressing through the game. Fleshing out the beginner areas is critical to retaining the player base. First impressions and all that jazz.

  “Anyway, after the we found out that the AI was spinning like a top working wonders, that it paired up correctly to the game world of Tiqpa, there was a pre-scripted sequence of events that was supposed to take place within each of the racial starting towns. That's the Unity Arc. Or, rather, the 'Unification of the Races Arc.' Whatever you want to call it. In any case, it was supposed to allow each race's ruling council to kill off the sovereign or whatever ruling power that was already in control of the race. After that, the races would be allowed to party up and carry on however they wanted.

  “Well, for whatever reason, the Unity Arc failed to trigger within the Human lands. Qasin, the King who was in power there, was never deposed by the Human Council. What's more, we've found out now that he actually went on to conquer the other two races that were situated on the same starter island, the Black-Wings and White-Horns, led them all into a massive battle against a White-Wing invasion and then up and disappeared from the starter lands entirely.

  “Robert here," Gary paused and took a sip of the water that was in front of him, then gestured to where Robert sat beside him and continued, "Robert and I discussed it immediately after the incident took place. Well, immediately after the Unity Arc failed to complete, anyway, before all that other stuff happened, and he's assured me that everything was scripted correctly. He's good at what he does, and I believe him--not that I understand any of that technical mumbo jumbo snake talk anyway.

  �
�But here's where things get interesting. The Unity Arc was so important we actually had people sit in on the council meetings. They went incognito, and through the use of the GM console even the NPCs couldn't tell the difference between them and one of themselves. Everything went swimmingly, except, as you know, within the Human lands. Nelson, our team member who was present at that meeting, reported the sudden appearance of a strange man. The summoning circle in the King's court suddenly lights up like a Christmas tree in July and out walks a man looking like a demon: broad-shouldered, pale skin, claws--the whole nine yards. Well, Qasin, the King, declares that his ultimate weapon of a warrior has appeared, hands him a soup spoon, and sends him off to do battle with the White-Horn and Black-Wing armies.

  “But, hey, it gets even better. This demonic figure Nelson reported was wearing a bathrobe like he was summoned from the seventh circle of Hell in the middle of brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed or something.”

  No one else had so much as made a sound during Gary's recollection of the Unity Arc or the appearance of the strange bathrobe-clad figure. For everyone present in the room, everything he had recounted was more or less common knowledge now. There really wasn't much more that could be said anyway. In truth, they really didn't know much more.

  Robert took a sip from his mug of coffee and waited for someone else to continue. When no one ventured anything, he spoke up himself. "I've spent enough time going through the coding, both alone and with the help of several people here, that I can assure you that there's nothing present anywhere that would contribute to any of these events occurring.

  “The code . . ." Robert trailed off, trying to figure out how to put things in laymen's terms so everyone would understand. "The code used for every occurrence of the Unity Arc is roughly the same. Variables are different. They naturally point to or indicate different NPCs, rulers and councils throughout the game, but everything else is the same. There's no reason why, as far as I can tell, it would be different in this one instance within the Human lands than it would be anywhere else.